There's hope
Sunday, September 28, 2014 • 10:59 PM • 0 comments
Today at Sunday mass during the exchange of the sign of peace (by bowing to each other or shaking hands and saying 'Peace Be With You), I spotted a couple who looked to be in their late 40's -- the husband gave his wife a side hug and a kiss on the cheek.
It is the first time I have ever seen anything like that in real life.
And it warmed my heart so much.
You see a part of me is a marriage-sceptic. A part of me is resistant towards it. A part of me thinks that once a man and a woman form a union through marriage, by some inexplicable unstoppable unseen force, things CHANGE and they are doomed to a life of constant non-stop bickering, every single day. Bickering after bickering..argument after argument, both petty and serious. The tender loving care and affection stops. No party wants to step down from their ego. No party wants to apologize and say sorry. Both parties end up shutting off and turning away from each other. Both parties don't want to talk through their feelings rationally and diplomatically. Both parties end up being extremely unhappy with each other.
Because that's what I saw a lot, growing up..
But I ABSOLUTELY refuse to believe that it will be like this. Undoubtedly the bickering and arguments will definitely be inevitable...it's a natural occurrence for sure. But I refuse to believe that every marriage will result in constant hurt and resentment. In constant belittling. In constant emotional distancing and withdrawing. Because I believe in carving a reality far different from this one -- I believe in working at a relationship that will be fulfilling, nourishing and nurturing for both parties, one that lifts the other up and that it will not end up being a draggy, emotionally-draining, toxic, hurtful and unsatisfying relationship.
I might sound idealistic. I might sound naively optimistic. But if the reality that I want to carve is not even remotely possible, then to me there is no point at all in getting married. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't nurture and nourish you... who doesn't make making you happy a part of their priorities...who doesn't RESPECT you and doesn't honour the marriage you are in together...Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who only brings you down?
So what I saw today, that man who gave his wife a kiss on the cheek, gave me hope that the reality I hope to carve can exist. Of course it is just a kiss on a cheek and it is hardly an indicator of the quality of their marriage. It only scratches the surface, we don't know what really goes on. But how often do you see couples of such age be loving and affectionate like that? It is so rare... Do you think couples in unhappy marriages would do that? I don't think so. So I would say that kiss on the cheek would mean something....
There is hope after all.
-Anthea ❤
