Here I am again
Thursday, August 28, 2014 • 1:50 AM • 0 comments
12.59am
Wow, how lovely it is to be able to sit down and write. I miss this. I haven't really had the chance to do this since up to last weekend because I have been so caught up training for a Crossfit competition that I could barely find the energy to write at night... (night time is my favorite time to write, and because I come back tired from training almost every night...I usually don't have much energy left to blog. Hahah). Also cause I haven't really been getting much time alone. So yay to blogging!
Thoughts:
1. I feel like my life as of late has been so centered around training for the X45 challenge that I feel like I don't know what to f-ing do with my life right now... I feel this sudden void and emptiness now that it is over. Hahahah.
2. Which is why now I am trying to take a step back and re-evaluate my life.... where the frickin heck am I headed to in this life? What on EARTH am I doing with my life?? What do I want to really, really do? It is depressing to realize that nothing much is going on in the career department. I am aware of the fact that I am completely responsible for that. Which is why I really feel like beating myself up.
3. I am hormonal right now. And my day earlier was pretty.. dark. In a sense that I felt so sad and depressed... god knows how many times I've cried. I was so restless on the inside that I thought nothing could make me feel better. Even the thought of things that would usually make me happy did not seem like it would make me feel better either. I lied in bed not wanting to get up, feeling absolutely helpless. I felt very alone. And then I started to hear & feel these lies in my head... you're hopeless/ you're not good enough/you're unimportant, a second priority, a second choice/ a disappointment to your parents/ a waste-of-space small-town lifer/ he doesn't love you.
It's crazy, so crazy =.= I mean, adaka? Hahaha.
And so I told my sister about it (who is also PMS-ing hahaha so she empathizes). She told me why not eat some carbs so that I would feel better...
And I boiled a potato later on for dinner..(I ALSO MADE DEEP FRIED CHICKEN WINGS OOH LA LA) and I felt SO MUCH BETTER after my potato, and that restlessness I was feeling earlier? It almost totally went away. Serotonin boost from the potato helped my mood too I believe!
This therefore concludes that I think PMS is really a biochemical thing. Which is why I'm looking into taking Evening Primrose Oil and Calcium + Magnesium to alleviate symptoms... I've never done that. Though my mum keeps on asking me to take EPO. But do I actually listen? hahahah I think it's about time that I actually did.
Stupid PMS and my boobies hurt.
4. And to conclude this post with my last thought...
I have been watching a lot of TedX videos on YouTube and mannnn these things ARE TOTALLY ma kind of thing yo. Refreshing insight and information that just..provokes your thoughts, opens and broadens your mind... I LOVE IT. YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT.
Here's one of my favorites:
I still get very high and very low in life. Daily. But I finally accepted the fact that sensitive is just how I was made,
that I don't have to hide it..I don't have to fix it.
that I don't have to hide it..I don't have to fix it.
I'm not broken.
And I've actually started to wonder if maybe you're sensitive too. Maybe you feel great pain and deep joy, but you just
don't feel safe talking about it in the real world.
don't feel safe talking about it in the real world.
And so now instead of trying to make myself tougher, I write and I serve people to help create a world where sensitive people
don't need superhero capes. Where we can all just come out into the big bright messy world and tell the truth, and forgive each other
for being human and admit together that YES, life is really hard. But also insist that together we can do hard things"
don't need superhero capes. Where we can all just come out into the big bright messy world and tell the truth, and forgive each other
for being human and admit together that YES, life is really hard. But also insist that together we can do hard things"
"Life is beautiful. And life is brutal. Life is brutaful. All the time and every day. And only one thing has made the difference for me
and that is this...I used to numb my feelings and hide, and now I feel my feelings, and I share. That's the only difference.
and that is this...I used to numb my feelings and hide, and now I feel my feelings, and I share. That's the only difference.
This spoke a multitude of volumes to me because I am a very sensitive person myself, and I have been trying to deal with that all my life. It is just comforting how someone out there is telling you that it is okay to be sensitive, it is okay to feel the things you feel at such intensity.
I am not broken.
-Anthea ❤
