Random thoughts, yet again
Tuesday, May 13, 2014 • 1:44 AM • 0 comments
Feel like writing today.
1. I realize that I tend to internalize a very substantial part of my emotions and what I feel inside, and I open up selectively, also I absolutely hate it when people force me to open up when really I am a clam held completely shut and would like to stay that way. Hahaha.
So people will literally have no idea what is going on...well simply because I hide it. I've actually come across somebody who actually thinks I don't have any problems because it seems that i'm happy all the time. False.
I think a normal person would find a confidant to reach out to...a family member, best friend, or a so-called non-blood related brother/sister etc...and while I do at times reach out to my own confidants, most of the time I don't. I keep a lot of things to myself. out of fear of being judged, to be honest. I do this until I absolutely cannot take it anymore. and then I start writing. a lot. Hahaha. Writing and expressing how I feel always makes me feel better! Yay to writing! :)
2. I am currently suffering a case of tonsillitis and there is no doubt about how tonsillitis is very much indeed a special kind of hell. Just... torturous.
3. I had one hell of an epiphany today. And that is...
We cannot love fully, wholly and authentically on the basis of human strength.
If we do at the end of the day it becomes very tiring. Rising above and taking the high road, keeping cool, swallowing your pride and staying afloat in a tempestuous wave of emotions, would all very likely consume a lot of your energy. And sometimes you feel like it's all just running out.
And this is why, it is important to have a relationship with God, or have some sort of a divine connection with a higher power, before anything else.
A relationship with Christ means that you have a divine source of love...
He will renew your strength. He will renew the love in you and give you the grace to love authentically. When your tank runs empty, He is there to fill it.
All this came to me as I finally, FINALLY decided to connect with Him today after shutting Him out and feeling super disconnected for such a long time. In tears. On the guitar.
How else do you think some people love their enemies? Remember Pope John Paul II? He visited the assassin who shot him in prison and FORGAVE him. That is just. That is.. just wow. THAT is what I call loving authentically. That is what I call embodying the very essence of Christ and we all know that Christ is nothing but a purely saturated entity of love. So much compassion. So much understanding. That it is just not human.
I hope you get my point.
4. This sounds cliché. But don't make promises you can't keep or remember. And even if you fail to, at least realize it. and apologize.
5. Sometimes the people you need most at a certain time are not fully there for you cause they're busy doing god knows what with god knows who. And it might piss you off. But this
is where you realize...you cannot depend on people to be your remedy. It's
dangerous, in fact. Cause you know humans...they falter, their feelings waver. you cannot be that selfish. And you can only depend on yourself + God cause really..no one is going to be
there for you throughout every single little thing. Only He will be there. And He will give you the peace and assurance that you are looking for. Just need to be open to His love... I really believe that this is a core life fundamental, and I'm still trying to master this. It's hard. But slowly.....
5. Sometimes the people you need most at a certain time are not fully there for you cause they're busy doing god knows what with god knows who. And it might piss you off. But this
is where you realize...you cannot depend on people to be your remedy. It's
dangerous, in fact. Cause you know humans...they falter, their feelings waver. you cannot be that selfish. And you can only depend on yourself + God cause really..no one is going to be
there for you throughout every single little thing. Only He will be there. And He will give you the peace and assurance that you are looking for. Just need to be open to His love... I really believe that this is a core life fundamental, and I'm still trying to master this. It's hard. But slowly.....
-Anthea ❤
